We have a court session coming up. Everyday that I think about it I get more and more nauseated. Nervous. Anxious. Things are quiet right now. Things are being bought for the living quarters that I have been needing. But quietness doesn’t mean change. It doesn’t mean things are getting better. It just means that things have not gone bad.
I have to be sure to not be lulled back to sleep. The hush money. I have to remember that every time things got quiet, they went right back to being loud. That sooner or later it is going to get loud in here again. And one of these next times might be life threatening.
How do I escape a tower that I actually cannot escape? There is no prince coming to save me. So the only way to escape is to go to the judge. Be honest about what is going on. Accept any punishment that comes my way but… most importantly… get my side of this life out in the open. Nothing will get better if I am the only one that knows.
“Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad, and a gift destroyeth the heart.”
– Ecclesiastes 7:7
And then… I must try to move forward in positivity. I try now to memorize all of the horrible events that have happened so I can tell my story. Then after, I have to forget everything. Pretend like none of it happened. Hold no grudges. Move on. Do better. Live joyfully. Survive. Try not to cry….
I really want to cry. I actually am crying right now…
Because no one understands that after this hearing at the courthouse… I have to come back to this dungeon alone with the lion. And though my faith in God must be strong, my flesh is afraid of what will come. But… He will never put me in a situation uncommon to man and that I cannot endure. There will always be a way to escape.